Mental health for first-time parents

Becoming a new parent can be a beautiful, challenging time. Whether you welcome a child into the world with a partner or not, a support system is critical for this season of change. A Baylor College of Medicine psychologist offers advice for first-time parents navigating their new normal.

“Physiologically, new parents are under a lot of stress. There is chronic sleep deprivation. The time to care for one’s basic needs vanishes. Bio-parents may be recovering from their own medical situations. Getting support is essential,” said Dr. Peggy Yang, assistant professor in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Baylor. “Think of this phase of life as a moderate and temporary crisis where one of our tasks is to find a new equilibrium. As baby develops and changes, we keep surfing the waves to find our new center of balance. It is an amazing time, but constant change can be stressful.”

A new baby does not only entail adorable baby smells and love; it is also a time when our identities and roles shift.

“Prior to baby, one’s career may have been a primary identity. If someone derives a strong sense of identity, accomplishment and self-worth from their roles at work, the temporary loss of those roles can impact their sense of self.”

Another task during this transition is to find ways to maintain important relationships. “Our relationships can slip away without us realizing it,” Yang said.

Maintaining your relationship

For those in relationships, prioritizing time with your partner might seem difficult when a new baby arrives. All couples are different, and their ideas of quality time vary. Yang emphasizes the importance of doing what is important to you and your partner. Have conversations to figure out your needs as a unit. Some might require more physical touch while others might choose to hire help with laundry and dishes as an investment toward more energy and time together.

“Communicating about your needs is important. It’s helpful to have a shared understanding of the needs of each parent, so everyone’s circumstance is addressed,” she said.

Some parents set boundaries with family and friends when the baby arrives. This can be an important request that people might make to learn how to navigate first-time parenting together. Be sensitive to family and cultural dynamics when requesting this with loved ones.

“Sometimes it’s helpful to explain to family, ‘We are trying something new, and it’s important for us as a new family unit. We are not rejecting anyone, but we want to try this approach,’” Yang said.

Prioritizing sleep

Every baby is different, but all parents tend to have broken sleep when a baby enters the home. Chronic sleep deprivation impacts the neuroplasticity of the brain, so attempting to prioritize sleep when possible is crucial:

• When the baby naps, get some sleep instead of doing other household chores. Perhaps the house might have some more clutter so you can catch up on sleep.
• If you have a support system at home, ask them to let you sleep for some time while they watch the baby.
• Avoid your phone so it doesn’t keep you up while trying to fall asleep.

Overall well-being

Postpartum anxiety and depression are common conditions that can occur after childbirth. If you feel less joy, increased emotionality, more rumination and worry, obsessive thoughts and things seem more intense or difficult than before, you might be experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression. New babies get medical checkups. It’s important for new parents to get their own checkups, too.

“We often don’t see the change ourselves; it’s helpful to  listen to people who notice that shift,” she said.

Yang also suggests thinking about what used to make you happy and what matters most to you at this point in your life: is it physical activity, alone time, connecting with important people in your life or reconnecting with another aspect of your identity? Ask yourself what you miss and want to bring back into your life. When the system is stressed, parents will adapt to stress, but that stress should not become the norm, so prioritize your mental health while exploring this new lifestyle.

“It can be helpful to know that many others have traveled this road. Consider connecting with some parent friends. Times of change are an opportunity for re-centering and growth.” Yang said.

By Homa Warren