When can children go out by themselves?

Determining the right time for your child to go places on their own relies on the child’s independence and maturity. Children develop this independence at their own pace. Dr. Karin Price, professor of pediatrics – psychology and section chief of psychology at Baylor College of Medicine and Texas Children’s Hospital, prepares parents to allow children to go places independently.

Q: What are signs your child is ready to go places alone, such as the mall, movie theater or arcade?
A: The first sign is that they’re already doing things that are fairly independent and responsible. For example, if your child is old enough, responsible enough and mature enough to stay home by themselves briefly while you walk the dog or talk to a neighbor, they may be demonstrating that they are ready for the next step. Another sign within the home is if they are able to take care of themselves and make good decisions when it comes to being responsible for chores, homework or caring for a sibling or even the family pet.

Think about the child’s relationships with their peers and teachers, as well as your individual child and how independent, mature and responsible they seem to be.

Q: If your child is at this stage, how can you prepare them to be ready for solo adventures?
A: Have conversations about safety and what-if situations. Make sure your child understands what to do if they are approached by someone they do not know and make sure they know how to take care of their personal belongings, protecting them and keeping them safe.

They should know what to do and how to respond if approached by authority figures, such as security guards, store managers or police officers, and understand how to not make assumptions about who another person might be or what they want to do. Teach your child how to respond in unsure situations, for example, if the child is somewhere like a movie theater or arcade and they don’t know what to do, look for the parent of another child for assistance. Coach your child on what to do in an environment if there is a concern. As a parent, be careful and aware of who your child will be with and where they plan to go. Know your children’s friends and have a way to contact them if needed.

Think about neighborhood safety: where they will be and what they will do. Make sure they understand that there are places that are safer, places that are less safe and how you expect them to remain in safer spaces.

Q: What should parents be aware of before allowing their child to go somewhere alone?
A: Assuming your child has a mobile phone or another device that can be checked, remind them that you will be checking in with them. Set that expectation that when you check in, the child will respond.

Parents should also have “stranger danger” conversations: know who is a stranger, who is not a stranger, what to do when someone approaches you and what assumptions you can and cannot make about other people. Review safety behaviors related to responsible behaviors, including things like vaping or substance use. Open those conversations well ahead of time so the child knows you as the parent are aware and have it on your mind.

Q: What advice can you offer for anxious parents, even when they know their child is ready to go places alone?
A: If you’re worried about a child going off on their own, practice by staring with small things like waiting in the parking lot at the grocery store while your child goes in to purchase items. Have your child go to a friend’s house independently before you allow them to go to the mall or the movie theater alone. Doing different things gradually not only helps your child be prepared but also helps parents feel more comfortable as they build up to going out with a friend without a parent present.

Q: How can parents be prepared for their teenagers having access to go anywhere when they start driving?
A: This starts with really important conversations in the home. As a parent, make sure your child understands your expectations and agrees with them. Your expectation might be that your child is always going to drive safely by going the speed limit, wearing a seatbelt and not using their phone while driving.

Talk to them about how to respond if they get pulled over, how to respond to police officers, what to do if they have car troubles and how to get help in case of an emergency. Let them know you will be checking in and expect a response from them.

Q: What should you do as a parent if your child’s peers have reached this milestone, but your child isn’t ready for the independence yet?
A: Parents need to own this. Let your child know that this is something you are deciding as a family and that your family might have different rules than other families. Remind them that you are willing to take small steps and let them understand the expectation in order to keep moving in the direction toward independence. Talk about what they can do to show responsibility and maturity.

By Homa Warren